


Lose It All

by himster85



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Hunting, Minor Violence, Winged Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-02-15 19:04:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2240001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himster85/pseuds/himster85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Told from the OC's POV, she meets a man working at the local gas station and slowly builds up a relationship with him. When a friend from his past comes into town and shakes up Steve's everyday routine, how will that effect their budding romance?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Later in the story there is some violence/torture. It's not the main part of the story so I didn't want to put a warning on the whole story for it. I will certainly put a warning on the chapter that contains it.
> 
> 08/10/15 - Chapter 7 was accidentally posted over Chapter 6, sorry about that. Story will make more sense now!

His name was Steve and he had the bluest eyes I had ever seen. They looked like the ocean in pictures you see of un-touched beaches, half a world away. Something to be jealous of because you would never see it in real life. My favorite part was the way they would light up and shine when he smiled or laughed. He was old enough to have wrinkles around his eyes when he did that, but you would hardly notice because when he smiled, you would be too busy smiling back.

I almost never even met him. I usually stopped at the Starbucks on my way to work but that morning I was running late and also running low on gas. I wasn’t sure I would make it to the station I usually stopped at so I pulled into the Gas & Sip instead. I ran inside for my morning cup of coffee, he greeted me with a smile and a “Good Morning” when I walked through the doors. I have a hasty wave and “hello” back and booked it over to the coffee station.

When I went up to pay for my coffee he greeted me again. This time I actually looked at him before responding. My words got caught in my throat when my eyes met with his. My mouth hung open for a moment before I regained control of myself. “G-gg-g-good morning,” I stammered finally.

“Your total will be $2.09.” He smiled at me and that did not help things. He was by far the most handsome man I had ever seen face-to-face. His dark hair was cut short and set off his blue eyes to perfection. His voice was a deep rumble that seemed to vibrate down into my chest.

I pulled two dollar bills out of my purse and managed to spill my coin purse while digging around for a dime. “Geez, what a klutz,” I mumbled to myself as I reached out to swipe up the loose change.

Steve, according to his name tag, reached out to help. His fingers brushed against mine, which caused a jolt of electricity to course down to my toes. His eyes widened as if he had felt it, too.

“Thank you, Steve,” I said, handing him the dime I had been looking for, the rest of my change now safely stowed away.

“You’re welcome,” he replied, handing me back a penny, careful not to touch my skin this time.

“My name is Adella, by the way,” I replied, giving him a coy smile.

“That’s a beautiful name,” he responded, giving me another smile that made my knees weak.

I stood there for a moment just staring into his eyes before I blurted out, “Ya’ know, you don’t really look like a Steve. You look like your name should be something more exotic, like Micha or Domonic.”

“Micha…” he tested it out on his tongue, “I like that. Well, if I ever need a new name, I will keep that one in mind. Thank you.” He said it in such a matter-of-fact tone that I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. I decided to laugh as though he was joking.

I grabbed my coffee off of the counter, reminding myself that I was already running behind and shouldn’t be taking any more time to flirt with strangers. I waved goodbye to Steve and made my way towards the door.

“I’m supposed to say this so everyone but, I really hope that you have a great day. Come back to see us soon,” Steve called out, another smile on his lips.

I returned it with one of my own, thinking that my morning routine was about to change.


	2. Chapter One

After that, I started going to the Gas & Sip every morning on my way to work. Steve was almost always there and it didn’t take long to get his schedule committed to memory. After two weeks, he started to greet me by the door, my coffee in his hand. It always had the perfect amount of my favorite creamer and sugar. The first day he did that, I gave him an inquisitive look. “This way, we can spend a few extra minutes talking before you have to leave,” he responded.

Steve never wanted to talk about himself, giving vague answers when asked about his past or family. I tried not to pry but he was so mysterious about it that I couldn’t help it. I wanted to know all about him. The path he had gone down that lead him to this state, this town, this gas station. He had certainly not grown up in the area, his mannerisms and the way he spoke told that much about him. I found myself leaving my house earlier and earlier just to loiter in the store those few extra moments.

I wanted desperately to ask him out for dinner but was nervous. He seemed into me but I thought maybe it was possible he was just being nice to me because I was a returning customer. He came across as a little bit old fashioned and might not think it proper for the woman to do the asking. I felt I was making my intentions clear though, always standing so close to him casually touching him while we chatted, always making really good eye contact. Either he didn’t feel the same or somehow wasn’t getting the hint.

I came into the store one afternoon on my day off to find Steve practically bouncing out of his skin with excitement. I asked him what he was so keyed up over and my heart sank when he told me he had a date that night. I silently cursed myself for waiting so long to reveal my feelings. Of course a guy like Steve was not going to stay single for long. I tried to plaster a fake smile on my face but I don’t think I was fooling anyone. Steve cocked his head to one side and squinted at me. This was a face I had come to know very well. It meant he didn’t understand something and he was about to ask for an explanation.

I was saved from answering by the bell on the door, signaling another customer. I quickly made myself scarce, hiding back by the slushie machine. I watched as Steve helped a few people and then a man stepped up to the register and began talking to him in a hushed tone. They seemed to know each other. I felt a prickle of curiosity. Maybe this was someone from Steve’s past? Someone who might know him on a more personal level?

Steve caught me glancing that way and shushed the man before waving me over. As I got closer I could see that this man was quite attractive. He had very light brown hair, which was spiked up in the front, and these amazing green eyes. He was tall and slender, not skinny, he had a body that you knew was muscular underneath all those layers of clothing.

Steve introduced him as Dean and then casually placed an arm around my shoulder while I shook Dean’s hand. He gave me a firm hand shake with a calloused hand and a jaw-dropping smile to go with it. “Nice to meet you,” I said, meekly. I nervously tucked some stray hair behind my ears.

“Do you work here, too?” Dean asked, taking a look around the store.

“Oh no,” I replied with a chuckle, “I’m a physician’s assistant in town. I just come in here to hang out with Steve.”

Dean nodded and replied, “Yeah, he’s a pretty awesome guy to hang out with.”

I made my leave soon after that, sensing that Dean wanted some privacy to speak with Steve. “Nice to meet you,” Dean called out as I walked away. I turned around in time to see him give a suggestive eyebrow wiggle to Steve. I smiled and waved, blushing deeply.

The next day, I noticed as soon as I walked in that Steve was wearing the same clothes as the day before. ‘Must have been a pretty good date then,’ I thought bitterly to myself. He turned to greet me and I noticed that he had his arm wrapped in bandages. ‘Maybe not,’ I amended in my head wondering what could have possibly happened.

Steve was not acting like his normal smiling chatty self. There was no glint in his eyes and his mouth was turned down at the sides, not a look I usually saw on him. I finally plucked up the courage to ask him about his night. “So, how was your date last night?” I asked, trying for a casual tone but it sounded a little desperate to my own ears.

“Oh, it was absolutely awful,” he replied, slumping his shoulders, “Turns out she intended for me to babysit. I didn’t have a date, she did. And then the baby spiked a fever. I had no idea what to do. And then –“ He lifted his arm as though he was about to explain, “Well, let’s just say the night did not improve from there.”

“Aw, Steve. I’m so sorry.” I reached out and ran a hand across the back of his shoulders. He leaned into me, allowing himself to be comforted for a moment before another customer came through the door. He jerked himself up straight, pasted a crooked smile on his face, and went into work mode.

When the store was clear again, I hopped up to sit on the edge of the counter while Steve worked on restocking the shelves. I always tried to help him, but he insisted on doing it himself because he was the one getting paid.

When Steve finished, he came over and stood in front of me. He nervously cleared his throat. “Dean said something interesting to me yesterday. I wanted to hear your opinion on it,” he said, fidgeting with the sides of his work vest.

“Ok, shoot.” I swung my legs under the edge of the count. Steve looked so worried about whatever the subject was that it made butterflies spring to life in my stomach.

“He seemed really surprised that you were not the woman I was going to be seeing last night.”

My eyes opened wide with shock, the butterflied started flapping faster and my heart leapt up into my throat. “Oh,” I stammered over my words, “Um… he, uh, he said that to you, did he?”

“Yes and Dean has always been better at these kinds of things. So there must be something here that he is seeing. He says the only reason a woman like you would spend so much time hanging around a place like this, is if there was something here she wanted. He thinks the thing you want has to be me.” He ducked his head shyly, darting just his eyes to look up to me as he finished, “So, I wonder what your thoughts could possibly be on that?”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly before replying, “Sounds like Dean’s a pretty smart, observant guy. I was pretty envious of whoever that girl was. I’ve been trying to find the words for a while now to tell you how I feel. I kept thinking maybe you would ask me out and save me the trouble and embarrassment of having this conversation with you.”

“It honestly never crossed my mind to ask you out, even though I must admit I find myself thinking about you often and am developing many feelings for you. I just couldn’t find a reason why you would possibly be interested in me.”

I stopped swinging my legs, wrapped my hands around the flaps of his vest and pulled Steve closer to me. “If you never thought I could be interested in you, you haven’t been paying attention,” I murmured in his ear. I could hear Steve swallow hard as I placed my lips against the skin right under his ear lobe. I gave him a gentle kiss there before I released him. I was surprised by my own daring and hoped it wasn’t about to blow up in my face.

Steve took a step back, a dazed look on his face. There was a darkness to his eyes as he licked his lips. The dark look disappeared as his cheeks lit up with a blush. “These are completely inappropriate thoughts to be having at work.”

“You’re right. Absolutely. I’m sorry,” I said, hopping down from the counter, gathering up my purse and getting ready to make a beeline to the door.

He reached out and wrapped a hand around my shoulder, stopping me. “You misunderstand. I meant, maybe I could see you when I’m not working? Then it would be okay.”

“Yeah, I would like that. Do you like theatre? The local community group is doing Les Mis. Could be good.”

“Sounds wonderful. Do you mind picking me up here? I don’t drive so…”

“That’s fine. How about six? We could get something to eat first?”

Steve nodded, a small smile on his lips. “That’s perfect.”

I walked out of the Gas & Sip with a smile on my mouth so big it hurt my cheeks. I was mentaly going through my wardrobe trying to figure out what I was going to wear, already planning my hair and what I wanted to do with my make-up. I hadn’t been on a date in months and I planned on making the most out of my night.


	3. Chapter Two

When I came back to the Gas & Sip that night, Steve had changed into a striped polo shirt with the first two buttons un-buttoned and grey denim pants. He greeted me with a hug and I noticed how fantastic he smelled. It was a mix of earthy and musky smells, something ruggedly alive that you would want to roll around and luxuriate in. He gestured down to the black and white polka dot dress I was wearing. “You look very nice,” he complimented. I had thrown my black hair back in a ponytail with a perfect victory curl in the front. With my pale skin I didn’t need much make up so I had settled on black eyeliner, mascara, and cherry red lips.

“Thank you. So do you. It’s nice seeing you out of that blue vest for a change,” I replied. I reached out and straightened the collar on the polo, taking the chance to smooth my hands down his chest. His cheeks glowed red for a moment before I took his hand and led him back to my car.

I drove a Chevy Malibu that was a few years old. Steve nodded appreciatively at it. “This looks like a good reliable car.” I nodded in agreement. “That must be nice. I don’t have much in my life right now that’s reliable. No car, no home, practically no friends.” He let his voice trail off with a look like he thought he had probably said too much.

“Well, you have me. I hope you consider us friends, at the very least,” I said opening the car door on his side. I whirled back around to face him. “Wait, did you say no home?”

Steve squeezed past me and slipped into the car. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’ve just been a little down on my luck lately. It’ll be fine. Please, don’t worry about me.”

“Of course I’m going to worry about you. It’s what I do,” I replied, shutting the door and running around to the driver’s side. “If it’s not too forward of me, I have plenty of room at my place. More room than I know what to do with actually. If you’d like to stay there, I would love to have you.” I darted a glance over at him while I turned the key in the ignition. I hoped I hadn’t offended him or hurt his pride or anything like that.

“That –“ Steve’s voice broke and wavered, “-that is very nice of you. I will certainly consider it.”

“No pressure. The offer is there whenever or if ever you would like to.” I pulled out of the parking lot in silence. Steve looked lost in thought, mulling over the offer in his mind. I racked my brain trying to think of something to change the subject to. “So, Dean,” I started, “he seems… nice. Is he a close friend, relative?”

“That’s a little complicated. He used to be a very dear friend. Now, I’m not so sure. Last time I saw him he kind of kicked me out. I wondered around for a while. That’s how I ended up here.”

“So, if he kicked you out, what was he doing here?”

“He’s… um… a… uh… FBI agent,” Steve replied, studiously avoiding my eyes. He shifted nervously in his seat, obviously hiding something. “He was working on a case in the area.”

“FBI agent, really? He certainly didn’t look anything like how I would imagine an FBI agent looking. He must look a lot different when he puts a suit on.”

Steve chuckled. “True, he’s not your average law enforcement officer.”

“Was he in town about those weird suicides? I read about them in the paper.”

Again, Steve shifted nervously and avoided my glance. “Yes… um… but I don’t know a thing about them.” He gazed pointedly out of the window and rushed to change the subject by asking me how work was that day.

I thought his response was odd but decided to let it go, telling him about the newest office drama. I pulled into the parking lot of an Italian restaurant down the street from the theatre. Steve rushed around the car to help me out on my side. He didn’t let go of my hand as we walked inside and were seated at a cozy corner table.

Steve was mostly quiet during dinner, seeming to be lost in though. I reached my hand out and placed it over his. “You seem a little upset tonight, Steve. If you want to talk about it, I’m here,” I said, hoping he could tell just how sincere I was.

“I’m sorry. I am very happy to be here with you. I just have a lot on my mind. Thank you. It’s pretty personal. I trust you, but I don’t think this is something I’m ready to share just yet.” He squeezed my hand and gave me good eye contact until the waitress came by to check on us.

Steve rallied himself and made an effort to be more talkative through the rest of the meal. Afterwards, as we left the restaurant, he grabbed my hand again and swung them lightly while we walked down the street to the theatre. When we set down at our seats, he slid an arm around my shoulder and held me close to him while we sat through the play.

After the play, I invited Steve back to my house for a drink. He seemed nervous, but I was okay with that because I was, too. I sat down next to him on the couch, sliding a beer into his waiting hand. I took a few gulps out of mine and looked up at Steve through my eyelashes. He slowly reached a hand out and placed it on my knee. When I didn’t move it away, he took that as an invitation and hesitantly slid his hand up my leg to rest near my hip.

I licked my suddenly dry lips, beer in my hand forgotten as I stared into his eyes from inches away. He closed the gap between us, scooting over until his leg was pressed along the line of mine, his arm sneaking up to curl around my waist. “Is this ok?” he asked, cradling my face with his free hand.

I nodded, wrapping one arm around his neck, helping his mouth find mine. I pushed him back and straddled his lap. It wasn’t long before we were stumbling up the stairs, trying to tear our clothes off without stopping or letting go of each other. I rummaged around in my night stand, thankful when I finally found a few stray condoms. I threw one at him with a smirk. He gave me his signature confused squint and head-tilt. I grabbed the wrapper back and ripped it open. Comprehension downed on his face as I rolled it down him. “Protection, that’s what they mean,” he muttered to himself with a chuckle. I raised an eyebrow at him. “I’ll tell you later,” he replied, grabbing me by the back of my legs and easing me back onto the bed.

Steve made love like he didn’t really know what he was doing but was eager to learn. He picked up on my queues quickly and it wasn’t long before I had my happy moment. Steve didn’t last long after that. Afterwards, I laid with my head on his chest, listening to his heart rate slow down to normal. “Wow,” I heard him murmur, “That was even better.”

“Better than what?” I asked, propping myself up on my elbow to look at him.

“Oh,” he said, blushing brightly, “Just thinking about the last time I was invited back to a woman’s house. That didn’t end very well… Um… let’s just say I never saw her again.”

I chuckled, wondering what in the world could be the story behind that cryptic statement. I wanted to ask but knew he wouldn’t tell. I hoped that, if given time, he would eventually open up to me about his past.

I got up to take a quick shower, pausing to kiss Steve on the lips. I slipped under the warm water and was surprised to hear the curtain pull back behind me. Steve stepped in with a timid look on his face. “May I join you?” he asked, shoulders already slumped as if he expected rejection.

“Of course,” I replied, eyes roaming over his body. My eyes stopped at the tattoo over his ribs, low on his torso. “I noticed this earlier and wanted to ask about it,” I said, running a finger over the strange symbols.

Steve let out a shaky breath, watching my finger dance over the markings. “I thought it would protect me.”

“What language is that?” I asked, stepping closer to get a better look.

“Enochian,” he replied with no further explanation.

I filed the word away to look up later as it was not a language I had ever heard of. I didn’t realize my hand was still tracing the symbols until Steve placed his hand over mine, a desperate look on his face. He made a gesture down and I glanced to realize that Steve had indeed enjoyed my hands on his flesh. I locked eyes with him as I slowly slid down to my knees, breaking eyes contact only to switch my attention to a different part of Steve’s body. He lasted longer this time but seemed to enjoy it more, fingers curled in my hair, eager noises bouncing off the shower stall walls.

After finishing our shower, I crawled into bed, exhausted but happily so. Steve followed me soon after. He cleared his throat and fidgeted with the edge of the sheet. He asked, “Adella, can I spoon you? I’ve never done that with anyone before.”

“Sure,” I replied, setting on my side, grabbing Steve’s arm and pulling him in close behind me. I felt a little sad for him that this man who appeared to be closing in on forty had never had anyone to spoon with before. I fell asleep quickly with Steve draped over me, completely wrapped up in his warmth.


	4. Chapter Three

When I awoke the next day I reached out to find the bed beside me empty, but still warm. Steve must have woken up not too long before I did. I pulled on my robe and went downstairs to look for him.

I found Steve in the kitchen making coffee without a stitch of clothing on. I leaned up against the doorway, watching his body as he moved around in the beams of sunlight filtering in through the window. I watched the stray sunbeams dance along his all-over tanned skin. After a moment, I cleared my throat to let him know I was there.

Steve spun around with a smile on his face. “Good morning, Adella,” he said, stepping over to me with a cup of coffee in hand. He gave me a lingering kiss and passed the cup over to me.

“Good morning, Steve,” I replied, forcing my eyes to his face instead of straying lower, where they continually wanted to go.

“So, I have to ask, you have such a nice coffee brewer and much better coffee than we have at the store. Why would you ever come over there to buy coffee?” Steve placed a hand on my hip and bumped me up against the door frame. His eyes were heavy and dark, not with violence, but that look a man gets when he sees the woman he wants.

“Oh well,” I tried for a nonchalant tone, reaching a finger out and running it up and down his bare chest, “I get lazy in the morning or wake up too late. The Gas & Sip is on my way to the office. Plus, there’s this really good looking guy that works there.”

Steve gave a dark chuckle in return and grabbed me tighter around the waist. “Well, whoever this ‘good looking guy’ is, he’s going to have to answer to me now.” Steve leaned his head down and nuzzled against my neck, laying small kisses here and there.

Steve pulled away and gently took the coffee mug out of my hands. He gave me a pleading look and I nodded, grabbing his hands and leading him to the couch in the living room. I pushed him down onto the couch and let my robe fall away behind me. We kissed and made love in the growing light of the rising sun. He filled me more completely than any guy I had even been with. Time seemed to stop when he was inside me, stretching to last an eternity. When we were finished he cradled me close to his chest, fingers playing through my hair, whispering in my ear in a language I didn't recognize. I couldn't understand the words but could tell the warm, loving feeling behind them.

I dropped Steve off at the Gas & Sip on my way to the office later that morning. He hopped out of the car with a promise to see me again that night.

When I picked Steve up after his shift that evening, I was pleased to see he had a small duffle bag with him. I was hoping he was going to take me up on the offer to live in one of the extra bedrooms. When we got back to my house, I cooked dinner for us; herbed chicken, mashed potatoes and asparagus. Steve ate with a hearty appetite, seeming to relish each and every bite. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had a home cooked meal. Thank you,” he said by way of an explanation.

After eating we curled up together on the couch and watched a movie. I caught Steve staring at me more often than watching the movie. As the night wore on, his expression became more and more melancholic. I slid closer to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, snuggling up under his chin. “Steve?” I asked, hesitantly, “What are you so sad about?”

He remained silent for a moment before responding. “I’m thinking about my family. I miss them and I’m worried about them. I keep trying to tell myself to forget them and get on with my new life. I’m starting to enjoy myself here.” He beamed down at me, but there was still sadness in his eyes.

It was my turn to be silent while I processed. Steve had never mentioned his family voluntarily before. I wanted to ask more but was afraid to push the subject and make him clam up. “Family is important. Maybe you should go visit them? It might help you to stop worrying. Where does your family live?”

“All over. I doubt I’d be able to find them all. I think some of them don’t even want to be found.”

“Sounds like a big family,” I responded, reaching out to grab his hand, stroking absent minded shapes on the back of it.

Steve chuckled sardonically. “You have no idea. My brothers and sisters mean a lot to me. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to move on and be happy without knowing where they are and what has happened to them.”

“Steve, I’m here to help you cope with that, if that’s what you want. But I won’t try to stand in your way or hold you here if you decide that you need to go after them.”

We lapsed into a not-entirely comfortable silence after that. Steve remained pressed against me in body but his mind was a thousand miles away. I didn’t bring up the subject of his family again and neither did he.

When the movie was over, we went up to my room. Steve was overly tender and loving that night, slowly taking his time and exploring my body at length. He left not a square inch of my skin un-kissed or un-touched. It was fantastic and a little overwhelming all at once. I was bombarded with sensations and feelings I had never experienced before.

When I awoke the next morning, the bed was empty again. This time there was no warmth to the other side. I walked down to the living room and kitchen and found no signs of Steve, even his duffle bag had disappeared. I began to have a sinking, twisting feeling in my stomach.

I got dressed and decided to run down to the gas station to look for him there. On my way out my eye was caught by a folded piece of paper left on the table by the front door. I put down my keys and picked it up with shaking hands.

Dearest Adella,  
Please know that the time I have spent with you means the world to me. More than I could ever describe. You may never understand how important and significant you have been to my life. You showed me friendship when I had none, taught my compassion and tenderness in a way I thought was impossible before. I hate the thought that my leaving may hurt you, but I just can’t stay. It wouldn’t be fair to you, to try to create a world here with you when my mind and part of my heart is elsewhere. My brothers and sisters need me. I can’t stop thinking of how I’ve let them down. I hope that you can understand.  
With all my heart,  
Steve

There were streaks and stains on the paper where his tears had fallen while writing. As I stared in disbelief at the piece of paper, a few of my own tears joined his on the page.

I drove down to the gas station anyway, just because I had to see for myself. I found his boss there, in a rather foul mood. She confirmed what Steve had written. He had called her early that morning to let her know he wasn’t coming in to open the store that day. He also told her that he wouldn’t be coming back at all. I thanked her for her time and left the store in a daze.

I pulled out my cell phone, wanting to call him and hear his voice just one more time. I started to cry again when I realized that, if he had ever had a cell phone, I didn’t have the number. I had no way of getting a hold of him.


	5. Chapter Four

The next few days went by in a numb daze. I went about my daily routine but never felt connected to the body that was doing it. Steve was never far from my mind. I wondered how he was doing in his hopes to reconnect with his family.

It was a few weeks later when the research started. Steve was still dominating most of my thoughts. I found myself at work, absentmindedly sketching his eyes onto my desk calendar during my break when his strange tattoo popped into my mind. I remembered thinking that I wanted to look up to language, Enochian, when he told me about it. A quick online search brought a puzzling revelation. It was supposedly the language of the angels. I couldn’t see how that would help me find where Steve had gone off to.

Instead, I switched gears and focused on Dean instead, the mysterious strange who had blown through town just days before Steve got anxious and had to leave. It didn’t take long to work out that the name he gave the police when “investigating” was completely bogus. As far as I could tell Dean has no affiliation with the FBI. I did keep finding reference to a man named Dean online who went around the country with his brother, Sam, investigating paranormal phenomenon. I was skeptical until I saw a photo of Dean with Steve, although the photo was captioned as Dean Winchester and Castiel. I wondered if maybe Steve had a twin brother.

I started reading all I could find about Sam and Dean Winchester. I remained unbelieving, the stories seemed extremely far-fetched. But I was eventually worn down because enough of the websites contained legitimate news stories and hastily taken cellphone videos and pictures. The two boys definitely got around the country a lot, anywhere something weird or off-kilter had occurred. Most often whenever the boys left town so did the weird happenings. There was a lot of conjecture as to whether or not the boys caused or helped the situations they were found in.

I began to look at the world around me in a whole new light. I’ll be the first to admit that I became a little obsessed. My days off from work were spent driving around the state, chasing leads, trying to find if there was any truth to the paranormal.

I was getting discouraged by the lack of evidence I was finding when I finally found a real haunted house. There was another guy in time at the same time, asking around at the same places I was visiting. This guy was also moonlighting as an FBI agent. When I was finally lucky enough to track him down, I was disappointed to find out that he wasn’t Dean or Sam. He introduced himself as Barry and once he realized that I knew a little bit about the supernatural, he opened up to me and we formed a kind of friendship. I didn’t tell him about Steve or the Winchesters. I got the feeling that hunters, as they called themselves, were a pretty solitary bunch. They generally worked alone and only networked when it was necessary to share information. I didn’t know how Barry would react so I decided to keep it to myself for the time being.

Barry taught me a lot about the new side of life I had discovered. He taught me how to shoot a gun and make salt rounds, which would make a ghost disappear and injure a demon. He taught me exorcisms and how to make holy water, both absolutely imperative when going up against demons. I was a quick, eager learner. It wasn’t long before Barry started taking me out on hunts with him.

What a rush this hunting as. I had never considered myself a thrill seeker before but this was a high unlike anything I had ever felt before. Exorcising demons, banishing ghosts, killing monsters; and the best part was knowing that my action were helping people, saving lives.

It wasn’t without its downsides though. My co-workers were concerned with the amount of cuts and bruises I was showing up to work with. I tried to play it off as clumsiness but I knew they weren’t buying it. My boss was getting progressively more agitated at me coming in late and being so exhausted. I knew I was treading a thin line and was probably close to getting fired but I just couldn’t find it in me to care.

It was during this time that I started feeling like I wasn’t alone in my house anymore. I don’t know if it was paranoia caused by hunting down terrifying monsters all the time or if there really was something lurking, unseen in my house. It never felt threatening though, it felt very peaceful and comforting, like sitting in a comfortable silence with your best friend. I tested out a few theories and ruled out ghost, demon and everything else I knew to check for.

I noticed it wasn’t a constant presence. It always showed up after a rough, stressful day at work or a hunt. I could guarantee that I would come back from a weekend away with Barry to feel that calming entity.

I asked Barry to come home with me to see if he could feel it, too. If he didn’t not knowing whether I’d be relieved to know I wasn’t going crazy or even more worried if Barry couldn’t figure out what it was either. When we got back to my house after the hunt that weekend, I felt nothing. I walked all the way around the house and didn’t feel so much as a prickle. He went through all the same testing that I had done and got nothing, just like I had.

“It’s so strange. I always feel it when I come home from a hunt, always. It’s like it’s checking on me to make sure I came home in one piece,” I told Barry, walking him down to the front door.

“If you say there’s something here, I believe you, darlin’.” He left promising to his the books and see if he could shake loose any other theories.

That night was the first time in a long while that I dreamt about Steve. We were in the Gas & Sip, which I hadn’t stepped foot into since he left. There were no customers and somehow I knew there wouldn’t be any to interrupt us. When the dream started we were standing in the middle of the store, just staring at each other in awe. I tentatively reached a hand out to him, knowing I was in a dream but still wanting to make sure he was real.

I slid my hand down from his shoulder to his hand, weaving my fingers in-between his. I gave him a smile through the tears in my eyes. “It’s so good to see you,” I said in barely a whisper.  
He gave me a watery smile back. “And you too, Adella,” he replied, using our joined hands to pul me closer to him. He broke out grip to wrap his arms around me.

There had been dozens of speeches I had practiced in my head over the past few months, so many things I had wanted to say to him if I were to ever see him again. Seeing him now, even in a dream, filled me with such relief that I couldn’t find the words. We stood in silence, embracing each other for a moment before he pulled away. He ran both his hands through my hair and trailed them down to cradle my face. “I had so much I wanted to say to you,” he echoed my thoughts, “but I’m out of time.”

He looked off into the distance, as if seeing something I couldn’t. “I have to go now. I’ll come to you again, soon. Until next time,” he said, gently kissing my temple.

With a blink, he was gone and the dream shattered. I woke up still laying in my bed. My mind tricked me into thinking I could still feel his hands on my face, his lips on my skin, his scent in the air. I tossed and turned for hours before I could get back to sleep.


	6. Chapter Five

Over the next few months the feeling of being watched in my house became less and less frequent until it faded all together. I started to think that maybe it had been all in my head after all. The stress of my job and the thrill of hunting with Barry had made my imagination run a little wild.

My real world job situation was not getting much better. Co-workers I had considered friends were no longer so friendly. Most days I ended up eating lunch by myself in the break room. I’m not sure what they thought I was getting into on the weekends. But, instead of showing concern and trying to get me to talk about it, they had chosen to shut me out and treat me like an unwanted stray animal. My boss was pulling me in for weekly meetings, trying to get me to become more engaging and punctual, the way I used to be. I didn’t have the mind space for it any longer. I had seen something and become part of something much more important.

I had frequent dreams about Steve that became increasingly vivid. Sometimes he would just hold me for a few minutes before I would wake up, aching for him. When he held me like that, it felt like no time had passed. I still fit perfectly between those arms, head tucked under his chin. When his lips brushed mine, it always ignited that same spark. Other times, he would beg me to stop going on hunts with Barry, saying he was worried I’d get hurt and he wouldn’t be there to help me. He said a lot of things that didn’t make much sense to me about his ‘fading grace’ and being worried about Dean and ‘his mark.’ It unsettled me to see Steve so upset and further fueled my desire to find him.

I was starting to worry more about myself with how real the dreams were seeming to me. I began to blur my real memories of Steve with the dream-version of him. I would wake up from these dreams with the feel of his skin clinging to my hands, the pressure of his lips still on my temple, cheek or lips, where ever he had kissed me goodbye before saying “Until next time” and disappearing.

The next time I saw Barry I decided to finally try to casually bring up the Winchesters. I wasn’t getting anywhere concrete by myself and thought I might have to finally break down and get some outside help. I started by asking if he knew of any other hunters in the area. It didn’t take much prodding to get him on the subject of the Winchester. The harsh tone that he used to describe them made me glad that I had never revealed my association with them or relationship with Steve.

Barry recounted a lot of the information that I had already gathered online. It was gratifying to have the information confirmed; however he did add something that I had never known before. He was talking about Dean and this weird relationship he had with his ‘pet angel.’

“What do you mean?” I cut him off mid-sentence, “Pet angel? Angels are real?”

“Hell yeah, and they’re all a bunch of self-righteous dicks,” he responded, “I steer clear of them. The Winchesters run around with one named Castiel. Rumor has it that this Castiel son of a bitch preformed some sort of spell that kicked all the angels out of Heaven and locked the gates. That’s why we’ve had so many ghosts running around, they can’t move on. But, if rumors can be believed, he got what was coming to him, the spell zapped his grace, made him become human. Last I heard, he had stolen another angel’s grace and that’s not working out so well for him either.”

Barry continued to talk but I blocked him out, lost in my own thoughts. I remembered the pictures I had found online of Dean and this Castiel, how much he had looked like Steve. Was it even possible that they could be one and the same? My mind was reeling. I stumbled over to a chair and sat down hard. I tried to pull myself together because Barry was still in the room. I don’t want him snapping those keen hunter eyes onto me. I didn’t want to answer the questions he would undoubtedly be asking.

I looked up and realized that Barry was standing in front of me and had stopped talking a while ago. He had a grim look on his face. “Time to come clean darlin’,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

I swallowed hard, trying to come up with a lie that would cover what I was really thinking. “Don’t even try it,” he said gruffly. Those hunter eyes I was afraid of staring me down, “I want the truth. There’s a reason you’ve gotten into this life, everyone has a reason. I never asked before because it’s always personal. I was waiting for you to find the right time to tell me. Now I think I’ve stumbled onto it. I’ve shared a lot with you and I’ve taught you a lot. People who come up against the Winchesters have a way of winding up dead. So I think I deserve to know.”

I stared up at him, trying to figure out how much truth I owed this relative stranger. He had gone shoulder to shoulder with me in some tense situations and had never batted an eye or left me in harm’s way. I sighed and started my story, about how I had met Steve at the Gas & Sip and over a few month’s period became friends with him. I squirmed and tried to glaze over the part where we had become a lot more than friendly with each other. I told Barry about when Dean came to town and how, a few days later, Steve got skittish and bolted town. I pulled my phone out with shaky hands and showed him one of the few pictures I had of Steve. “Is this Castiel?” I asked, meekly.

Barry nodded, staring down at me with sympathy and pity in his eyes. I shoved my phone back into my pocket, refusing to let the tears win the battle they were fighting with my eyes. “Okay, well now I know what happened to him. Do you know how I can get in touch with him?”

“I’ve never been buddy bud with the Winchesters so I don’t have any contact numbers. I’ll ask around. In the meantime, he is an angel. You could always try praying.”

After Barry left, I sat in my living room thinking over everything he had told me. It certainly explained a lot of the odd mannerisms Steve had. Castiel, not Steve, I had to remind myself. I wondered what would happen between us if I ever found him again. Could an angel love a human? Would we even be allowed to be together? If he still wanted me.

I started praying to him, without even being conscience of making the decision. My thoughts turned into a one-sided conversation geared towards him. “Castiel, I have no idea if you can hear me,” I whispered, feeling foolish. I hadn’t prayed since I was a child. “I really hope I’m not talking to myself. If you really are Steve, I understand a lot better now as to why you left. I miss you though. You told me in that letter that I was important to you. I don’t think you ever realized how important you are to me. You came into my life and showed me what I had been missing. My life revolved around my career and my career only for so long I forgot what it was like to have friends. Then you surprised me further by letting me fall in love with you. I don’t know why I was so special. Why you let me get through and how you got through my barriers. But it happened and it was magical and incredible and everything it’s promised to be in the stories but never actually is. And then you were gone. Do you realize what that did to me?”

I paused for a moment. “Castiel? Are you even there? A sign would be nice.” I huffed at myself, feeling stupid for even trying. “This is ridiculous,” I said, standing up from the chair I had been sitting in. I turned to walk up the stairs and caught a flash of movement out of the corner of my eye. It was heading towards the kitchen. I chased the khaki-covered form until, with a flash of light, it disappeared. Where it had been standing a well-worn piece of paper fluttered to the ground. It was the letter that Steve had left for me the morning he disappeared. I had been storing it in a journal I had started when I met Steve. I had documented every conversation, every feeling, every moment we had shared. I realized with a start that the person who had been in my house must have been Castiel. How many times had he visited? How had he known where the letter was? How long had he been whisking around my house unseen?

I made a logical leap and figured he must have been that unseen presence I had been feeling in my house those few months. It must have been easy for him, as an angel, to become invisible and keep an eye on me. That’s why the entity never felt harmful, always peaceful and comforting. In his own way he had tried to never leave me.


	7. Chapter Six

I started praying to Castiel quite frequently after that. A few nights later he appeared in my dreams. This time he was not in the Gas & Sip vest he usually wore in my dreams, but rather a knee-length khaki over coat with a black suit and blue tie underneath.

  

“Ca-Cas-Castiel?” I asked, hesitantly taking a step towards him.

 

He nodded. “I am sorry I never told you. I had no idea how you would respond. I… I was afraid. It was so foolish of me.” He hung his head down, shoulders slumped forward. I felt a pang in my heart to see him like this. I didn’t want him upset, I wanted us to be happy and together.

 

“It’s okay, Castiel. I actually understand. I’ve had some time to think it through. I understand why you didn’t tell me when you were here. I just would’ve thought you were crazy, or I was crazy.”

 

“Yes, exactly. And then, much to my horror, you started hunting. I knew then it was only a matter of time before you found out. I should’ve come to you then, but I kept hoping you’d move on, find a nice human guy to settled down with. Maybe that Barry fella? He seems nice enough.”

 

“Are you kidding me?!” I exclaimed, pushing his shoulder, playfully, “Ew. I don’t think of Barry that way. I don’t what anyone else. I want you. Is that even possible, anymore? I mean do you still feel that way about me? Can you?” I felt a crushing weight in my chest as the realization hit. I spent so much time trying to find him, but now how could I keep him?

 

“Adella,” Castiel took the few steps towards me that put me in his arms, “I’ve never felt this strongly before. I’ll always feel this way. It’s preposterous to suggest otherwise. My current situation is quite problematic. My grace is fading. I’m not sure how much longer it will hold out.”

 

“What does that mean? When your grace runs out, won’t you just turn human again?”

 

“I’m not sure. It’s possible. It’s also possible that I could explode or just fade away with it. This is not normal. An angel’s grace is supposed to be a permanent thing.”

 

“But, you didn’t have your grace before. I mean, when you were Steve. And you were fine. You’ll be fine again,” I said with force, as if I could just will it to be true with pure conviction.

 

“You said that with such faith, I could almost believe it.”

 

“Well, you better. I just found you again. No way am I going to let you go again.” I picked up my head from his chest and stood on my toes so I could reach his lips. The same spark erupted between us as always. It was nice to know that some things hadn’t changed. One new thing though, was the sound of ruffling feathers that accompanied it. I pulled back in confusion. That confusion quickly turned to awe as I saw the large, black raven wings that sprouted from Castiel’s back.

 

“Sorry. Extremely strong emotions can make me lose my control. I’ve been so careful on my other visits because I didn’t want to scare you. But, it’s all out on the table now.” The wings stated to retract.

 

“Don’t. Please,” I said, reaching a hand out towards them. I ran my hand lightly through the soft feathers. “They’re the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen.”

 

“I’m glad you like them,” Castiel replied, “This is the only way you’ll see them, outside of Heaven, of course. Out there in the real world, they can only appear as a shadow.”

 

“How sad.” I continued to run my hands over them, in complete fascination. When I finally let my hand drop, Castiel enveloped me in another hug. This time, folding his wings around me as well. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and whispered, “Until next time.” In my ear.

 

As always, I woke up from the dream, that I just realized was not really a dream, with bits of him lingering; the feel of his lips, his scent and this time, the brush of dozens of feathers against my body. I lay there, breathless, trying to take in all that had just happened. I thought back to all the dreams I had been having about Castiel over the past few months. I wondered how many of them were just dreams and how many of them of them were like the visit I had just had.

 

I laid in bed thinking for hours, unable to get my mind to shut down. I gave up when the first rays of sun started peeking through my window. I heaved a frustrated sigh and pushed myself out of bed. I made a huge pot of coffee and drank two cups while I watched the sun rise. I struggled back up the stairs to get dressed for work. I was dreading the day, knowing I was in for eight hours of sideways glances, gossip behind my back, and conversations stopping when I walked into the room.

 

As it turns out, I didn’t have to endure eight hours, only two because I got fired. I wasn’t surprised, I was practically dead on my feet and that was on top of my less than stellar attendance and performance the previous months.

 

I went home, crawled into bed and had a few minutes to feel sorry for myself before I fell asleep. I had no dreams and woke up the next day. The sun was streaming through the window. I groaned, reaching for my phone. I wondered how late I was going to be to work, before I remembered that I no longer had a work to get to. I did, however, have a text message from Barry

 

\--Tracking a demon. Could use some help. Are you free? He had sent it at three that morning.

 

I wrote him back right away. --I’ve got all the time in the world. I got sacked yesterday. Where are you?

 

I jumped out of bed and climbed into the shower. I wanted to be able to hit the road as soon as Barry got back to me. I threw a bag together for clothes and was going through weapons when my phone buzzed. Barry had been in Seattle, but was currently traveling east. We decided that I would meet up with him over the state line in Missoula, Montana. That was about a six hour drive for me, so I quickly finished packing and left.

 

Later that day, when I met up with Barry, he looked absolutely exhausted. “Jesus, Barry, when was the last time you slept,” I asked. I pulled my bags out of the trunk of my car and transferred them into the bed of Barry’s truck. “You look worse than shit.”

 

“Thanks, darlin’. You’re such a sweet talker,” he replied in a gruff tone, “Nice to know I look how I feel. You’ll be driving, cause I haven’t slept for at least two days. Been chasing this son of a bitch all over the west coast.”

 

I climbed behind the wheel of the beat up truck and took the keys from him. “Fill me in, tell me where we’re going and then can get some shut eye.”

 

“We’re headed towards Lebanon, Kansas,” Barry paused, as if waiting for me to react. I don’t know why. I had no connection to the place. I shrugged and made a gesture for him to continue. I put the truck into gear, plugged the city and state into the GPS of my phone and pulled out onto the road.

 

“So, what makes you think this demon is headed to Kansas?” I asked, hoping to get him started on the topic before he passed out.

 

“Just a gut feeling, based on his background. This one is something else, something stronger. He’s killing at random, just anyone who pisses him off, or gets in his way. He’s ruthless and the body count is getting pretty high. He’s smart, always a step ahead.”

 

“So, what’s in Kansas?” I asked again, thinking maybe if I repeated myself I’d get a better answer.

 

“The guy’s family. Figure he’s making his way back to them.”

 

“Makes sense. We’ve seen that happen before. All right, one badass demon and his location. I’m caught up. You get some rest.” Barry handed me his phone before he went to sleep. He had put feelers out through his network of hunter buddies, just on the off chance that he was wrong about where the demon was headed, or if he decided to stop someone else along the way.


	8. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - this chapter starts the violent part of the story. Character (not major) death, kidnapping, physical violence, those are all the triggers I can think of for this chapter.

And make an extra stop on the way is exactly what the demon did. We were about six hours into the drive when a text came through that our guy had been spotted in Cheyenne, Wyoming. Luckily that was more or less on the way of the route we were already taking. Unluckily, we were still about four hours away. I hoped we would make it to town while he was still there. I wanted to get my eyes on this demon that was making Barry so worried.

Barry woke up when we were about an hour outside Cheyenne. I told him where we were headed and why. He made a few phone calls and get the name and address of the bar the demon was currently prowling. No doubt picking out his next victim.

We pulled up to the bar at one in the morning. Barry pointed out a black, classic car in the parking lot. “He’s still here. Good, we’re not too late,” he said, climbing out of the truck and stretching his legs.

I pulled my bag from the back of the truck to grab a flask of holy water and a small bag of salt. That was just about all I was comfortable walking into a public place with, even if it was a bar. I knew Barry would have a small arsenal hiding under his jacket, so we’d have good coverage.

I was taking my ID out of my purse when I heard Barry curse loudly. “What?” I asked, on full alert, my eyes scanning the parking lot. The only thing different that I could see was the tall man leaving the place with his arm thrown casually around the shoulder of a short, pretty blonde woman. “Is that him?” I asked in a low voice. It looked like they may have been heading towards the car that Barry had pointed out.

Barry nodded in reply. I walked around the truck, threw an arm around Barry and laughed as though he had said something funny. I was hoping we looked like just another couple out for a fun time as we strolled across the parking lot.

The tall man took his arm off of the blonde and stared in our direction. I stopped walking as his eyes found mine. I couldn’t stop the gasp that left my lips, because I knew him. It was Dean Winchester.

Dean threw me a wicked grin at my reaction. His eyes, his beautiful green eyes, flashed black for a moment. He pushed the blonde away, clearly dismissing her and changed direction towards us.

As he got closer, I heard him start to laugh. “Well, this is just too good to be true. If it isn’t Castiel’s little human.” I flinched when Dean said his name, thinking about how Castiel had begged me to stop hunting. Dean correctly interpreted my reaction. “Oh, that’s rich, Lover Boy doesn’t know you’re here, does he?”

Barry grabbed me by the shoulder and started trying to pull me back to the truck. I had forgotten he was there. I realized that I was angry at Barry as well. He hadn’t warned me about Dean. He had to have realized that would be shocking and upsetting to me. I decided to let it go for now. I was not going to turn my back on Dean to start an argument with Barry.

I blinked and Dean was no longer in front of me. I heard a noise behind me and turned in time to see Barry slid down the side of the truck and fall in a heap on the ground. His head sat at an abnormal angle. I barely had time to register the word ‘dead’ in my head before Dean was on me.

Dean pressed me up against the nearest car, running one hand down the side of my face. I braced for a slap, a punch, something violent but he just stared at me from inches away. “I’m gonna take my time with you, sweetheart. I want Castiel to be able to see how very good I am at my work.”

Dean dug into my jean pockets until he found the truck keys. He wound his fingers into my hair and drug me to the truck cab, throwing me in before getting behind the wheel himself. I reached into my pocket for the flask of holy water that he had somehow missed. I waited until I thought he wasn’t paying attention and then withdrew the flask quickly. He grabbed my hand before it was fully out of my pocket and squeezed until, with a whimper, I dropped the flask onto the floor board. I cradled my injured hand to my chest and had enough time to realize that Dean fist was coming closer to my face before everything went black.

When I became conscious I was in a damp, musky basement, laying on the floor with my hands tied behind my back. I forced myself to take several slow deep breaths to keep myself from panicking. ‘Okay, Adella, think. You’ll figure a way out. Look around the room.’ I thought to myself. I worked myself up to my knees and scanned the room. I instantly wished I had not. My stomach dropped when I saw the only other objects in the room. There was a table set up a few feet to my right. The table was a jumble of knives, scalpels, pliers, and other things that could only be used for pain and torture.

I worked my way over to the table, forcing myself to pay attention to the task at hand. What Dean could or could not be planning with these tools didn’t matter right now, getting out of here is what mattered. I turned around, blindly grabbing at the tools, trying to find a knife to cut the rope with. My hands finally stumbled upon the handle of a long, kitchen knife when I heard the door at the top of the stairs open. I grabbed the knife and quickly waddled over to one of the dark corners of the basement. I frantically sawed away at the ropes hoping desperately to have them at least weakened by the time he found me.

I thought about Castiel while I worked, thinking that right now would be a perfect time for him to pop in and check up on me. I prayed harder in that moment than I have ever prayed for anything in my life. But that prayer went unanswered.

I looked around, wondering why it was taking so long for Dean to get to the bottom of the stairs. He was struggling to get a long, shiny metal table down the stairs behind him. The table looked like something you’d find in a morgue. My stomach turned again as I figured he was probably going to tie me down to it.

I sawed through the last bit of rope while Dean’s back was still turned, settling the table into place. I decided to make a dash for the stairs while he was preoccupied. I was two steps from the top when a strong hand clamped around my ankle and yanked hard. I cried out as my chin hit the step and then I was being drug down. My face slammed against a few more steps on the way down as I struggled to keep propped up on my hands. At the bottom of the steps, Dean picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. He walked over to the metal table and slammed my body down onto it.

Dean flashed his demon eyes at me again as he threatened, “Don’t try to get away again. I would hate to have to kill you quickly.”

His demon eyes made me realize how stupid I had been. I didn’t need a weapon, he was a demon, I could exorcise him. I started to recite the passage and Dean just laughed. He was completely unaffected. He gave me one quick jab to the chin. As he hit the fresh cuts there, my head throbbed with pain, making me retch and stop speaking. “Silly girl. That’s not going to work on me. I’m not possessed.”

Dean tied my hands and legs down and then secured me around my chest and legs before pulling up his sleeve to show me a brand on his arm. “Mark of Cain. I’m more powerful than anything you could dream.”


	9. Chapter Eight

Dean picked up the same kitchen knife that I had used to cut my ropes. “We’ll start with this one, then,” he stated. He dragged the knife tip slowly up my wrist past the elbow and up to my bicep. On the way back down he applied more pressure. His eyes bled to black at the first drop of blood appeared. My breath came out in a hiss and tears sprang to me eyes. I made a promise to myself right then that whatever he had planned to do to me, I would take it without giving him the pleasure of hearing my screams.  
  
He made a cut to match it on the other arm, a long solid line from shoulder to elbow. The cut was deep enough to bleed but shallow enough to not bleed freely. He picked up a pair of scissors and cut away all of my clothing. Next, he picked up a pocket knife with a blunt tip. “Sorry, haven’t sharpened this one in a while. How careless of me.” He dug the tip into my thigh. I strained against the ropes holding me down, fighting not to make a sound. He made small, shallow burrows with the pocket knife all over my legs and stomach.  
  
Without a word or explanation, he threw the knife down and walked back upstairs, leaving me tied to the table. I could do nothing but think of my pain for a long time. I realized that the sun was streaming through the small windows high on the walls in the basement. I watched and waited as the light lessened and lessened until the sun went down fully. That’s when Dean reappeared.  
  
“Did you miss me?” he asked with a derisive grin. He picked up a scalpel. He grabbed my right arm and starting cutting with precision right below my elbow. When he was finished I had a replica of the Mark of Cain on my arm. “Looks good on you.”  
  
“You’re quiet, aren’t you? I’ll find a way to make you squeal. Everyone has their breaking point.” He picked up a pair of brass knuckles and used me as a punching bag until he seemed to get bored. He threw them down and up-ended the table with all the torture instruments on it. He let out a scream of rage and then stomped off upstairs again.  
  
I heard him slam the front door on his way out. When he was gone I let out the screams that I had been holding in. I screamed and cried and yelled until I thought my vocal cords would burst. I eventually stopped when I realized it was useless, obviously no one could hear me. I stared out the window, watching the sun again to mark the passage of time. The sun came up, went down again and still Dean didn’t come back.  
  
I wondered if he was actually going to come back or if maybe he had continued onto the Kansas. I panicked, thinking that he might have left me down there, alone until… I wouldn’t even let myself finish the thought. Refusing to think that the worst was going to happen to me. I added that to the list of things I was praying about. I had kept up a near constant string of prayers to Castiel since Dean had tied me down, which felt like it had happened months ago. I hadn’t felt even the tiniest inkling of Castiel’s presence since I had been trapped here. I spent my last bit of worry on him before I became emotionally exhausted. I felt completely spent, like a used up, holey washcloth that had been wrung out to within an inch of its life.  
  
My thoughts drifted after that and I might have passed out or been on the verge to when I heard the crunch of gravel outside, indicating a car was pulling into the driveway. I couldn’t remember Dean leaving with a car, but wrote that off to delirium. I heard the front door slam open and then slam shut again. Dean was cursing and started pacing the floor above me.  
  
Dean came running down the steps, grabbed a knife off the floor and held it against my throat. “How did you do it?” he asked, “How did you tell them you were here? I have this place warded against angels. There’s no way he could’ve heard you. I’m not done with you yet. I’m not ready for him to see you. You ruined everything.” I heard new footsteps upstairs, at least two different sets. A voice called out, “Dean! We know you’re here.”  
  
He threw down the knife and picked up a pair pliers. “Answer me,” he screamed, grabbing one of my fingernails and pulling. The only response I could give was a blood curdling scream.  
  
“Stop that,” Dean replied, grabbing a grimy rag and shoving it into my mouth. He turned off the basement lights and melted into the shadows in the corner of the room.  
  
Footsteps thundered down the steps. The first face that appeared in the doorway belonged to someone I had only seen in photographs. Dean’s brother, Sam, stood and surveyed the room, eyes trying to adjust to the near darkness. I bucked around, trying to dislodge the gag from my mouth to warn him. Dean leapt from the corner and tackled Sam to the ground, raising a knife high over his head. I silently screamed as I had to helplessly watch Dean’s arms swing back down.  
  
An arm came into view, blocking the knife and knocking it out of Dean’s hand. I followed the arm up to its owner, it was Castiel, my strong, sweet, beautiful angel. His eyes were filled with a fiery rage, his face twisted with hatred. Relief swept through me so fast it made me dizzy. When my vision cleared, Dean was hand cuffed and on his feet with a surly expression on his face. He was held in place by an equally surly looking Sam.  
  
I felt fingers on my legs and flinched away before I realized that the only person it could be was Castiel. I looked down my body until my eyes found him standing by my feet, looking down at me, stricken and helpless. His fingers lighting against my skin, trying to find an uninjured spot to land.  
  
“Adella,” he said softly, tears gathering in his eyes, “I’m so sorry.” He reached up and pulled the rag out of my mouth.  
  
“Castiel,” I breathed, barely audible, my voice cracked and weak.  
  
“Shhh, it’s okay. I’m here now.” He ran his fingers through my hair, brushing it away from my face and forehead. His fingers played over my forehead, stopping and resting two fingers there like he was feeling for a fever. He heaved a frustrated sigh and I watched as he lost the battle with his tears and they brimmed over and fell down his cheeks.  
  
Castiel silently untied the ropes and bundled me into his coat. He scooped me up in his arms and carried me up the stairs. I stared intensely at his face, a face that I had begun to think I was never going to see again. “Why?” I asked, my voice cracking again. My throat felt raw and dry. “Why did it take so long for you for find me? I prayed for days. You never came.” I was too shocked and hurt to even cry at that moment.  
  
“My grace. It’s draining quickly. I apparently can’t hear your prayers anymore. Dean had the house warded against angels entering, but I still should’ve been able to hear you and I couldn’t. I’m so sorry, I’ll never forgive myself for this. I didn’t even know you were here until I saw Barry’s truck outside with your bags in the back. We’ve been trying to track Dean down for weeks. We think we may have a way to cure him.”  
  
We were outside now, Castiel placed me down in the passenger seat of a gold boat of a car that I could only describe as a ‘pimp mobile.’ I saw Sam struggling to shove Dean in the trunk of the black car that Barry had pointed out in the bar parking lot all those days ago. Castiel went over to help him, getting elbowed and kicked a few times for his effort. When Castiel came back and got behind the wheel of the car, I raised an eyebrow at him. “And you guys think that you can cure that?” I asked, huddled in Castiel’s borrowed coat like it was a security blanket.  
  
“Yes, there’s a spell. It involved injecting human blood into a demon, once an hour for eight hours. We’ve been experimenting on other demons, with my blood. It has been a success,” he replied.  
  
“Why you?” I asked, “If it’s supposed to be human blood, why not me or Sam?”  
  
“Sam’s no good. It would probably kill him. It almost did before and we’re too worried to try it again. And I think you’ve lost enough blood. With my fading grace I’m more and more human and less and less angel. I’m not even angel enough to heal you, I tried. It didn’t work, obviously. We can talk about all of this later. Right now, you need rest. I’m going to find us a hotel for the night. We’ll get you cleaned up and let you get some sleep. Then we’ll head to the bunker tomorrow.”  
  
“Bunker?”  
  
“It’s where we live. This underground bunker that used to be used by a secret organization named the Men of Letters. But don’t worry about that now. Rest.” He reached over to me and gently laid a hand on my knee. “Please.”  
  
I nodded and turned to look out of the window, my head resting against it, as Castiel pulled onto the road. I couldn’t sleep in the car. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see where demon eyes and a red stained knife. I kept my back to Castiel and my head burrowed down into his coat, hoping he wouldn’t see my wide, startled eyes, swimming in tears.


	10. Chapter Nine

When we arrived at the hotel, Castiel ran inside to book us a room. He came back and bundled me up in his arms again, carrying me into the room and laying me down on the first bed in the room. He rushed back out to the car and came back carrying both of my bags. “I grabbed these from Barry’s truck. I figured you’d probably like to have them. There’s probably things in here you might need.”

“Thank you, Castiel.” I pointed to the bag that contained my clothing and he laid it down on the bed beside me. I sat up to riffle through the bag and had to clamp both of my hands over my mouth to stifle the whimper trying to escape.

“Here, let me help,” Castiel said, taking the bag from me and walking off towards the bathroom. “I’m going to run you a bath, get you cleaned up.”

I heard him shuffling around in the bathroom and then the water in the tub started to run. After a few minutes, he came back out and scooped me up in his arms again. The water was warm when he deposited me into the tub. Under normal circumstances, I love a warm, borderline hot bath like that, but this made me aware of every single cut and bruise on my poor abused body. Castiel grabbed a bar of soap and a washcloth and gently scrubbed all of the dirt and dried blood off. Every time I gasped or moaned, Castiel’s face fell further and further.

When I was completely clean, on the surface at least, the water was a little pink and my skin felt freshly abused and raw. But it was nothing compared to how great it felt to get the smell of that basement off of my skin. I had no doubts it would be longer before I could get the effects of the basement cleaned out of my mind.

Castiel set me down on the closed lid of the toilet and started drying me off. We hadn’t talked the entire time I was in the tub and the silence continued. He helped me into a pair of underwear and a big nightshirt. He led me to the bed and slathered antibiotic ointment on all of the cuts that he could see. When he reached the mark on my arm that was a twin of Dean’s, the first tears slid from his eyes. I leaned forward and bumped my forehead against his. “It’s going to be okay, Castiel,” I whispered.

Castiel didn’t respond, he just finished with his first aid and then stood up from the bed. He disappeared into the bathroom again. This time I didn’t hear sounds of him running a bath, I could hear him pacing and muttering to himself. The pacing became faster and the muttering angrier until it climaxed with the shattering of glass as, I assumed, he punched the mirror over the sink. A few minutes later, he emerged wearing a pair of pajama pants and a white shirt, cradling his bandage wrapped hand to his chest.

He avoided my glance and started pulling back the covers of the second bed. “Castiel?” I asked meekly, reaching a hand out towards him. “Can you please come here? I don’t want to sleep alone. I know there’s going to be nightmares.”

Castiel silently nodded, his eyes shiny with more unshed tears. It hurt my heart to see him this way. He seemed to be blaming himself for what had happened to me. He sat down stiffly on the opposite side of the bed. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him down into the bed. I carefully moved myself beside him, placing my head on his chest and bumping my legs against his. “It’s not your fault, Castiel,” I whispered, “Don’t do this. Please don’t shut down. I need you. If I’m ever going to get past this without going crazy, I’m going to need you here with me.”

“You’re right. Of course, I’m sorry. I just can’t help but think that you wouldn’t have been there if I had never left Idaho. If I had not gone off on another of my stupid crusades to save a family that doesn’t want me. I should have stayed human. I should have stayed with you. I’ll never make that mistake again. That is, if you even want me in your life anymore.” He bent his head down and placed a small kiss on my forehead, which brought a tiny smile to my face.

“That has kind of been the whole point to me becoming a hunter. It was all to find you. I don’t blame you. You didn’t make Dean do this to me. My body will heal this in its own time. One day it will become a faded memory. I don’t want you to become faded as well.”

“Okay,” he responded and then became quiet for a minute, “This should not be about me. I’m sorry for that. We should be focusing on you. This is a horrible thing that you have been through. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” I replied, wrapping his arms tighter around myself, suddenly a lot colder than I had been the moment before, “Not yet, anyway. Right now I just want to hold you and be held and sleep. I haven’t slept for days.”

“That sounds like a very good plan,” Castiel murmured in my ear as he lay another gentle kiss on my forehead. He started singing softly, stroking his hand through my hair. I wanted to ask if it was Enochian that he was singing in but sleep sucked me under.

I woke up twelve hours later, still clutching Castiel’s body. I was halfway through sitting and stretching when I remembered how bad of an idea that was. I gasped and dropped my arms, wincing when they fell onto my legs. Castiel sat up at instant attention. He looked me over, asking again and again if I was okay and what was wrong.

“I’m okay. Really, Castiel,” I assured him, grabbing both of his hands to stop their useless roaming of my injuries, “I just sat up too fast. It pulled at… well… everything. It’s fine now. I just have to remember to move slowly.” To prove it, I stood up and carefully and determinedly walked over to my bag. I gathered up clean clothes and started to get dressed. It took me ten minutes to put on clean underwear, shorts and a loose shirt. Bra and jeans were just not happening until I was a little more healed.

“See,” I said, turning around to face Castiel, “I’ll be right as rain in no time at all.”

Castiel gave me a wry smile. “If you say so.” He stood up from the bed stiffly.

“You didn’t have to sit like that all night, ya’ know. You could’ve moved me after I fell asleep. It couldn’t have been comfortable.”

“I was fine. I’ve missed the feel of you. And I didn’t want to risk waking you.” He ran a hand down the side of my face as he moved past me to change in the bathroom.

After leaving the hotel, we went through a fast food drive-thru for lunch. As soon as we pulled up, the food aroma hit me and my stomach let out a loud growl. I chuckled, embarrassed, glancing over at Castiel. “I am famished,” I confessed, placing both hands on my stomach.

I ended up ordering the biggest size of French fries they had, a large chocolate shake and a couple bacon cheeseburgers. I groaned with pleasure periodically as I ate. “Oh God, I don’t think I’ve ever eaten anything that tasted this good,” I sighed, popping a few fries in my mouth.

Castiel chuckled. “It’s good to hear nice, pleased noises out of you for a change.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll hear more of them out me eventually.” I wiggled my eyebrows at him, suggestively.

Castiel blushed deeply. “That’s not what I meant. I mean, not that that wouldn’t be nice. Not that I’m thinking about that. That would be inappropriate. I mean, I wouldn’t assume for ‘that’ to happen anytime soon. But, it does bring up a subject that I wanted to talk about. I couldn’t find a sensitive why to ask. But, Dean, he didn’t… do anything to you. I mean, along those lines?” Castiel’s eyes darted down to my lap and then back up to my eyes, worry and concern etched into every line on his face.

“No, oh goodness, no. Thank God, he stayed away from that area.” I took a moment to think how grateful I was for that. It hadn’t occurred to me before that he could have hurt me in much worse, even more permanent ways.

“Good,” he responded, taking one of my hands that I had balled up in my lap.

“I mean, if he had… would you still… have feelings for me? Or would you considered me tainted?” I asked in a small voice.

“Of course I wouldn’t think that,” Castiel exclaimed. “Oh honey, why would I?” he asked in a much softer tone, “No, no, no, I could never think such a thing. What happened to you was not your fault. If anyone every makes you feel like it was, you let me deal with them. I may not have enough mojo left for a good smiting but I’d figure something out.”  
I squeezed his hand and let go to brush away the tears from my eyes. I was already getting tired of how much and often I had cried but knew that there would be many more tears shed over my time spent with Dean.


	11. Chapter Ten

Castiel and I talked most of the way to the bunker in Lebanon, Kansas. I told him about how I tracked down Dean and Sam’s real identities and started investigating on my own. I told him how I had met Barry. I gasped and my heart plummeted when I thought of Barry. “Dean killed him. Just to get to me. Dean snapped his neck like it was nothing.”

“I know and I’m so so sorry. I know how close you two had gotten. I hate that you had to see that. I’m sorry my friend has caused you so much pain,” Castiel responded, a frown dragging down the corners of his mouth.

“He’s not your friend. He’s wearing your friend.”

“You don’t understand. He’s not possessed.”

“I know. The Mark. He showed me,” I said, gesturing to that particular souvenir on my arm, “I don’t care, it doesn’t matter. He’s not the Dean I met in Idaho. Hopefully your cure will work and he’ll be that Dean again. How did this happen anyway? How does a person become a demon, instead of being possessed?”

So then Castiel filled me in on what he had been up to. He had remained human for a while before he recovered his grace, except it wasn’t his grace. He was a little fuzzy on the details of how he came upon this grace. I got the feeling he didn’t want to explain so I let it drop. Dean had taken on the Mark of Cain (from the REAL Cain, like biblical Cain) so he would be strong enough to defeat this Knight of Hell, Abbadon. Which he did, but in the meantime the Mark had taken root and begun to twist Dean’s soul. After killing Abbadon, Dean has gone up against Metatron a real douche who had stolen Castiel’s grace in the first place and was trying to take over heaven. Metatron had killing Dean, but the demon part of him had taken over.

“So, what if curing him casts out the demon part and leaves behind just the broken, dead human part? Couldn’t he just end up dead again?” I asked.

“We have no way of knowing. This is kind of unprecedented. Either way, we can’t have him running around like he is. Sam would rather have him dead than a demon.”

“Tell me more about this cure,” I asked, fighting droopy eyes from being in the car for so long. We were close to Lebanon by now. Castiel explained the spell to me until we pulled into an underground garage that lead into the bunker.

When we walked into the main room of the bunker, Sam was sitting at a table, waiting for us. He was chewing on his lip and tapping his foot rapidly. “Sam, what’s wrong? What’s happened?” Castiel asked, immediately.

Sam jumped up and began pacing around the room, running one hand through his long hair, the other arm in a sling that I hadn’t noticed the day before. “I just want to get this over with,” he answered, “One way or another.”

“Of course,” Castiel replied, “Let me get Adella to a room so she can rest and then we’ll get started right away.”

“Right, Adella, I’m Sam,” he stopped pacing and reached his uninjured hand out to mine. I shook his hand and gave him a small smile, saying, “Under different circumstances I would say it’s nice to meet you.”

Sam frowned. “Yeah, I know. Sorry you got dragged into this. I know how much you mean to Cas here. So, yeah… I’m sorry. For what it’s worth.”

“It’s worth a lot. Thank you, Sam.” I turned around and followed Castiel down a long hallway that felt like I had stepped into a hotel.

“So, they call you Cas?” I asked, walking slowly after him, starting to feel exhausted again.

Castiel threw a grin to me over his shoulder. “Yeah, Dean decided that Castiel was a mouthful so he shortened it.”

“I think I like Castiel better,” I said, returning his grin.

“I like that way you say Castiel.” He stopped in front of a door. “This is my room. Sam insisted on giving me my own room even though I don’t sleep. It is nice having my own little space. You can stay in here if you want, or we can clean out one of the other rooms for you.”

“Here looks fantastic. I’m so tired I don’t want to walk to another room.” I sat down on the edge of the bed and struggled out of my shoes. Castiel was there in an instant, untying my sneakers and placing them on the floor by the bed. He pulled me up to the head of the bed and tucked the sheets around me. “Is that okay? They’re not too tight?” he asked.

“It’s fine, Castiel. Thank you. Are you going to be helping Dean now?” I gripped his arm, looking him in the eye. I was worried about this ritual and what it would do to his fading grace.

Castiel nodded. “I have to try. It’s the least I can do.”

I nodded. “Just come back to me safely okay?” I asked, sitting up enough to reach up to his chest. “I need you, too, you hear?”

Castiel placed both of his hands over mine, holding them tight as he bent over and kissed my forehead. “I will always do my best to come back to you,” he murmured before walking away. I watched him close the door behind himself with a sinking feeling.

Hours later I was awoken by Castiel sliding into the bed with me. He wrapped a clammy arm around my waist. I turned around to see him, my heart dropping as I took him in. His face was shiny with sweat and he was trembling slightly. “Castiel, you don’t look well.” I put a hand to his forehead, he was burning up. Could angels have a fever? It didn’t seem right that he should be able to get sick. “Is something going wrong with the spell?”

He replied in a meek voice, “We’re not sure yet. We’ll know for sure in the next few hours. I wanted to check on you. I’m sorry I woke you.” He leaned forward and rested his forehead against mine.

“That’s all right. I think I’m ready to get up anyway. Unless you wanted to stay here? Do you need to rest?” I asked, reaching a hand up to cradle the side of his face.

“No, I don’t think so. I shouldn’t need to. I do feel a little strange though. Maybe we could lie here for a little while? Until I have to get back to Dean.”

“Sure, of course.” I sat up with my back against the headboard and pulled him in against my body. I rubbed small, useless circles along his back and arms.

Eventually, he stopped shivering and sat up next to me. “Adella, I’m scared,” Castiel said, in barely a whisper. He didn’t have a chance to continue. Sam knocked on the door popping his head in without waiting for an invitation. “It’s time for another, Cas.” He lifted a hand in greeting and then turned around and walked away without a response.

I worked my way to the edge of the bed, struggling to my feet. I walked down the hallway hand in hand with Castiel. “You really don’t have to come. You should rest. You’ve got a lot of healing left to do.” Castiel protested.

“You should be resting, too,” I shot back, “So, if you’re going to do this, I’m going to be right by your side.”


	12. Chapter Eleven

Castiel led me back out to the library and down a set of steps to a storage area. I could hear Dean yelling before I got to the bottom of the staircase. I stumbled when I heard his voice and my blood ran cold. Castiel grabbed me around the waist and buried his head in my hair so his mouth was next to my ear when he whispered, “You’re so brave. It’ going to be all right. You can do this. I’m going to be right here. I’ll never let him hurt you again. I’m going to leave you right here for one minute while I do this, okay?” I nodded, squeezing him tight against me. I brushed my lips against his and kept hold of his hand as long as I could while he walked away down the middle aisle of the storage area.

The room was lined and filled with metal storage shelves that reached up to the ceiling. I settled myself onto the floor and watched as he slid apart two of the shelves, revealing a hidden room behind them. Dean was sitting, chained to a chair in the middle of a Devil’s Trap painted on the floor. Castiel entered the room and I scrambled away to the side as fast as I could. But, Dean still caught a glimpse of me. His eyes turned black and a malicious grin spread slowly across his face.

I drew my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms tightly around them, ignoring the screams of protest let out by my various injuries. I could hear Dean taunting Castiel about me and “our time together.” Telling Castiel about how soft my skin was and the sounds I had made for him. He went on and on until, with a sharp intake of breath and sound of skin on skin I could tell Castiel had punched him in the face. “You don’t get to talk about her,” Castiel stated in a low gruff tone.

In response, Dean just laughed. There was silence for a moment, until Castiel walked out of the room. As he turned to slide the shelves closed Dean called out, “Cas, man, look, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Castiel stopped in mid-motion, head cocked to the side. “What did you just say?” he asked.

“I’m sorry, buddy,” Dean repeated, “I’ve been terrible. An absolute horrible friend to you.”

“It’s okay, Dean. You haven’t been yourself.”

“I don’t mean the last few months, Cas. I mean ever since you saved me from Hell. I’ve never done anything to deserve a friend as good as you.”

“Thank you, Dean. I’m glad to hear that before…” Castiel let his voice trail off, avoiding Dean’s eyes.

“You’re using the last of your grace to save me, aren’t you?” Dean asked, his voice breaking with emotion, “Dammit, Cas.”

“I’m sorry, Dean. It has to be this way,” Castiel finished, sliding the shelves closed. He turned around and leaned his back against them briefly before sliding down to sit, slumped over on the floor.

“It sounds like it’s working,” I said, crawling over to him from where I had been hiding.

Castiel nodded and looked up at me. Tears were swimming in his hollow, sunken eyes. He looked even worse than he had an hour previous. “It should only take a couple more injections now,” he replied in barely a whisper. His voice was raspy and heard to hear.

Castiel lowered his head on my shoulder and cried for a while. We could hear Dean behind us continuing to beg Castiel for forgiveness, listing all of his past sins both as a demon and a human. I made soothing noises and rocked Castiel until he got ahold of himself. “Thank you,” he said, wiping the remaining tears from his eyes and face.

I helped him to his feet and we walked up the stairs and into the library. Sam was sitting again, at one of the tables, a book open in front of him. He looked up when we entered, his eyes open wide in alarm. “Cas,” he breathed out, jumping up and rushing over to help me sit Castiel down in a chair.

“It’s working, Sam,” I said, “He’s apologizing. Castiel says it shouldn’t be long now.”

“Great. If he lasts that long… Cas, you’re looking pretty rough.” Sam clapped his hand onto Castiel’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Castiel said, starting to cough, “I’m feeling pretty rough. Sam, I might not make it.”

“Don’t talk like that, man. We’ll get through this, like we always do.”

I pulled a chair over and held Castiel’s hand. We sat that way, in silence, until the alarm on Sam’s phone went off, indicating it was time for another injection.

This time, Sam and I both accompanied Castiel downstairs. Dean was quiet and showing his normal green eyes when he looked up at me. Guilt was clearly written there and doubled as looked at the state that Castiel was in. Castiel completed the injection and left, without saying a word. He closed Dean in and then turned to me, panic clear in his eyes. He slumped forward and collapsed in my arms.

“Sam!” I shouted, struggling under the weight of Castiel’s unconscious body. He ran over and got his good arm under Castiel and helped me lower him onto the floor in the corner of the room. Sam checked for a pulse and breathed a sigh of relief. “He’s okay, it’s all right, he’s alive,” he let out in a rush.

A few minutes later, Castiel started to stir. Sam ran upstairs and came down with a glass of water for him. He hastily took a few sips. “Adella,” he croaked out.

“Shh… Shhh… I’m here. Everything’s all right.” I gathered him up in my arms, laying his head on my lap. I stroked my hand over his forehead and down his face, in endless, useless circles.

“Well, at least there’s only one more injection left,” Sam spoke up from where he was sitting on the bottom of the stairs.

“What’s going on out there?” Dean called out, his voice thick with more emotions than I could begin to name, “What’s happening to Cas? Is he… Sammy? Is he…”

Sam walked over to the shelves that Dean was hidden behind. “He’s all right, Dean,” he replied. Sam eased himself down to sit on the floor in front of the shelves. He and Dean talked softly over the next hour while I continued to stroke Castiel’s hair and face, murmuring words of encouragement; until Sam’s phone alarm went off one final time.

I cast a worried glance to Sam as he helped me get Castiel back on his feet. As we approached the shelves, Sam pushed them open and Castiel struggled out of my grip. “Adella, I want you to wait here. I don’t want you to see this,” he stated, quickly slipping past Sam and pushing the shelves shut behind him.

I moved up to open the doorway and Sam blocked my path. “He’s right. Maybe you should just wait out here. It’ll probably be best for Dean to not see you right now.”

“Screw your brother, Castiel might need help.” I pushed at Sam, trying to get him out of the way. We both stopped struggling when we heard Castiel chanting the spell to end the ritual, followed by a brilliant flash of yellow. I pushed Sam out of the way and threw the shelves open in time to see Dean’s demon black eyes fade to green and Castiel stumble to the ground.

I barely noticed Sam race past me to undo Dean’s chains as I knelt down next to Castiel. He struggled to sit up enough to reach for my face. When I realized what he was trying to do I leaned down to give him my lips. “We’re out of time, Adella. I’m so sorry.” He pressed a hasty kiss against my mouth. “Until next time,” he whispered, his parting words from my dream that I had come to realize was his version of I love you. There was a blinding flash of blue light and Castiel became nothing but dead weight in my arms.

“No!!” I shouted, my hands ghosting over his body, wanting to touch him but not being able to bring myself to all at once, “No, no, no, no,” I continued to mutter, tears streaming down my face. I leaned over and laid my head on his chest, willing it to move with a breath or a heartbeat.

“Adella,” Sam was saying, trying to pull me away.

“No, Sam. He can’t be gone. He can’t be.” I tried to twist out of his hands but he gripped my tight. “He can’t be,” I repeated as Sam pressed me close. I beat my hands uselessly against him and eventually gave into the tears, slumping against his chest, sobbing.

“Cas,” Dean’s broken voice sounded from behind me. I twisted around in Sam’s arms just enough to see Dean drop to his knees beside Castiel’s body. His upper body bent over Castiel and soon Dean’s sobs were the ones echoing through the small room.

What felt like an eternity later, Dean scrambled backwards from Castiel. Castiel’s boy shuddered violently as he sucked in a single breath. I slid over to his body and placed a shaky hand on his chest. Sam and Dean each made a motion to come closer. “Wait,” I requested, placing my cheek closer to Castiel’s mouth. I felt a brief tickle of a breath escape. “He’s breathing,” I said, falling back on my butt on the hard floor. “Sam, he’s breathing! Help me get him upstairs.”

Dean stepped forward, his arms out stretched to help. “No,” I said, firmly, batting his arms away, “We don’t need your help. We’ll take care of Castiel. This is all your fault. You’re the reason all of this happened.”

Sam hesitated, looking between myself and his brother. I heaved a sigh and resigned myself to having to cart Castiel up the stairs myself. I bent down, gathering him in my arms and straightened myself up. I nearly dropped him again as a dozen or so wounds popped back open all at once. I let out a shout that ended in a whimper. Sam rushed forward and get Castiel’s other side. “Adella, maybe you should-“ Sam began but I cut him off, “I’m fine. Let’s get him up to bed.”

We bumped and shuffled and cursed our way up the stairs, through the library and down the hallway to Castiel’s room. I heaved another sigh of relief when we had him safely deposited in his bed.


	13. Chapter Twelve - Final Chapter

“What the hell?” I asked Sam, tucking the blankets around Castiel’s still-unconscious body. 

“I don’t know,” Sam replied, “He’s been brought back before. The man upstairs seems to have a soft spot for him or something.”

“Do you think he’s human, again?”

“No way to really know for sure until he wakes up, I guess. Come on, let’s get your wounds looked at. Seems you may need some stitches, I’m pretty good with those.” Sam held a hand out to me, waving it at me impatiently when I hesitated. “I know you want to be with him, but until he wakes up, you may as well take care of yourself. He wouldn’t want you worrying over him so much that you let yourself catch an infection or something.”

Knowing he was right, I followed him out of the bedroom and down the hallway further to a kitchen area. Sam poked and prodded at all of my wounds. “I’m so sorry I didn’t even think to look at these for you sooner.” Sam padded around the kitchen, gathering a first aid kit, a sewing kit, paper towels and a wet washcloth. 

“It’s all right. I understand, you had your mind preoccupied with your brother. I’d probably be the exact same way.” I eased myself down into one of the chairs at the table, trying not to wince, but failing.

Sam stitched up a few of the deeper cuts on my upper arms and shoulders and then bandaged most of the rest. Sam kept opening his mouth, as though he wanted to say something, and then would shut it again. After about a dozen times, I cocked my head and gave him a questioning look. “I just don’t know what to say,” he responded, “I’m sorry doesn’t seem to begin to cover it. I feel like there’s no way to even start asking you to forgive Dean.”

All I could do was nod. All my mind had room to think about at the moment was Castiel. I hadn’t even begun to consider whether or not I could ever forgive Dean. I knew that it wasn’t really Dean, that it had not been his choice. But could I look into those same eyes that I had seen while being tortured and do anything but hate? I had told Castiel that I wouldn’t hold it against Dean because I knew it wasn’t him, I was beginning to think that I had said it more for his benefit than anything else. But, I also knew that I would have to forgive him. Castiel would choose to stay with the Winchesters, I was sure of it. So Dean and I would have to come to some sort of an understanding.

“When was the last time you ate something? Are you hungry?” Sam asked to fill the silence and break me from my thoughts.

“Um… Castiel stopped and got me food on the way here but, I’m starving. I could definitely eat,” I rubbed my stomach as I looked longingly out the door, “But… I also really want to go see Castiel.”

“Absolutely. Of course you do. Go, I’ll bring you something to eat,” Sam said and made shooing motions with his hands towards the door.

I practically ran down the hallway towards Castiel’s room. I skidded into the door and stopped short when I saw Dean sitting in a chair beside the bed. Castiel’s hand was held tight in his own, silent tears making tracks down Dean’s face and off of his chin. He looked up when I entered and used his free hand to swipe the tears off of his face. I silently drug a chair around to the other side of the bed and took Castiel’s other hand.

Dean ignored my presence at first. It felt like an hour later before he finally spoke, “I can’t believe you’re sitting alone in a room with me.”

“Don’t think I’m not armed,” I replied, dryly. I shuffled in my chair, feeling the gun at my back dig in slightly.

That got a small appreciative grin from Dean. “Fair enough.”

“The way I figure it, you and I are going to have to work through this because you’re important to Castiel and he’s important to me. I’m not sure if we can ever be best friends but… we’ll have to figure something out.”

“That’s better than I deserve, for sure. You should be pulling that gun out and putting me out of my misery.”

“Don’t talk like that,” Dean and I both startled and looked down to the man between us, where the croaky voice had come from.

“Cas!” Dean exclaimed, as I gasped out, “Castiel.”

I ran back down the hallway to tell Sam. When we got back to Castiel’s room, he was sitting up and Dean was helping him drink from a glass of water. Even as I watched, his color started to improve. He looked up at me and smiled. “It worked,” he said, “I can’t believe it, but the cure worked. And here I am, human again.” He threw back his head and let out a hearty laugh.

I smiled back at him and resumed my seat at his side, slipping my hand back into his. Dean took his seat at Castiel’s other side. Sam slipped quietly away, back to the kitchen. About an hour later, he returned with a tray full of dinner for the three of us. Castiel asked him to stay but he just smiled and shook his head, “I’ll just leave you guys to it. Good to see you back among the living though, Cas.”

Dinner turned out to be warm bread and vegetable soup. The hot soup tasted delicious but was hell on my busted lip. I tried to stay tough and not show the pain, because every time I winced, Castiel and Dean both flinched and Dean would also mutter, “I’m sorry.”

The atmosphere remained tense throughout the night, filled with forced chatter and small talk. Dean and I both breathed a sigh of relief when Castiel announced that he was tired and wanted to get some sleep. Dean ruffled a hand through Castiel’s hair, said goodnight and then waved vaguely in my direction before leaving. I bent over and gave Castiel a kiss on the forehead. “Goodnight, Castiel,” I softly said in his ear.

“You say that as if I am going to let you go anywhere,” he said, grabbing my hand and stopping me from walking off.

I shot him a quizzical look. “You want me to stay?” I asked, sinking down onto the bed beside him.

“Well, where else are you going to sleep?” he replied, scooting over to give me more room.

“Good point.” I laid down with my head on his chest, my hand roaming over his torso. I was still in disbelief that he was alive and awake and here in my arms.

“This is absolutely incredible,” he stated, as if he were reading my mind, “I’m alive. I’m human, and you’re here and Dean’s human again. I can’t believe that, for once, everything is going to work out. This is not something that I’m used to. Usually I make the worse possible decisions.”

“I thought you had. Castiel, you scared me. I thought you were dead. Please, don’t ever do that to me again.”

“Now that I’m human again, I will eventually die. But, hopefully we’ll both be much older when that happens.” He looked down at me, smiling. I couldn’t help but beam right back up at him.

I sat up and stared into his eyes. “You’re going to stay human? You’re not going to try to get you angel mojo or grace or whatever you want to call it back?” I wanted to make sure that I completely understood him before I could give my heart the chance to swell with happiness and my mind to go crazy with fantasies of a future together.

Castiel shook his head and cradled my face in his hands. “Of course I’m going to stay human. I seem to be much better at this than being an angel.” He slowly lifted himself up until his lips connected with mine. That familiar spark ran through my veins and left me gasping when he pulled away. “I want to stay by your side. I’d rather have part of a human life with you, with all these human feelings and experiences, than an eternity as an angel without you.”

“But, if you were an angel, I’m sure you could visit me. Wherever I end up after death,” I smiled wryly at him. I was having trouble wrapping my mind around the thought that he would give it all up, just for me.

“It wouldn’t be the same. An angel just doesn’t feel the same. There’s love and compassion but I’d rather be human so I can fully feel the softness of your skin.” He emphasized this by caressing his hand gently up and down my arm, making me shiver. “The thrill of waking up beside you, the fire that burns through me when we’re together like this. In my millennia of existence as a celestial being, nothing has felt so great, has meant as much to me as being in love with you.”

There was nothing more that could be said after that. Castiel kissed me again before settling down on his back, holding me close to him. I laid there for hours, listening to his heartbeat and even breathing while he slept. I was in complete awe at what Castiel had said, what he was giving up for me, what I was gaining because of it.

I had doubts that I was worth it, but one thing that I couldn’t doubt was that HE thought I was worth it. So I promised myself as I lay there, that I would live the rest of my life never forgetting the gift he had given. I would make each day we had together mean something, it was the least I could do for this man that had literally given up everything he had ever know for the chance to love me for the rest of my days. If that wasn’t worth fighting and living for, than I didn’t know what else would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading! Hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.


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